Parenting
Three Things Working Moms Need To Hear (Courtesy of Alexa von Tobel)
Alexa von Tobel is the Co-founder and Managing Partner of Inspired Capital, but she might also be called the working mom whisperer. Here's what Alexa—who, oh by the way, gave birth to her first child in the midst of the $375 million acquisition of the first company she founded—had to say about managing a career and motherhood.
- Interview By
- Liz McDaniel
Reframe the Conversation
When it’s time to leave for work, there is such a natural tendency to tell your chid, “Mommy has to go to work, here’s why I have to do it, I’m so sorry, I’ll be back.” But I completely flipped that. I don’t apologize for going to work. I want my daughter to associate work, earning money, her livelihood as something to be excited about. And I think that’s a really important reframing of the conversation. So when I leave, I don’t say, “I’m so sorry,” I say, “I am so excited I get to go to work.” My daughter loves puzzles. So I’ll say, “You know how you love puzzles, the Highlights magazine that comes, that’s what mommy does at work all day. I get to go and solve problems, really interesting ones that are so fun to solve. I don’t love leaving you but I love going to work and I love coming home to see to you and as you know I always come back.” That’s what I explain to my daughter at least once a week. It’s not an I have to. I get to. And that’s a really important way to think about hard work. It really establishes this concept of you can do anything. Hard work is something we all have to do. Earning money is something we’re all going to have to do in our lives and I think the more that you can reframe that as a positive, the better.
Bring Them Under The Hood
I am on calls all of the time and I take a lot of calls from home. And I used to try to get as far from my daughter as possible but one day my daughter was literally outside the door crying, and it broke my heart and I thought this isn’t going to work. So I had this amazing ah-ha moment, like what if I explained to her that it was important and she could be with me if she could be quiet. So I explained, “Mommy either has to go to the office or I can stay in our house and take this call and spend time with you right when it’s done,” and she totally got it. For literally four phone calls in a row, she let me do them out, and I learned that just giving her that credit got us to a better spot. Again, I’m learning, but I just try to bring her under the hood and let her be a part of the conversation and I love to have her listening. She’s learning and it’s amazing.
Attitude is Underrated
It's an undervalued asset just to have a positive attitude. So when I think about work life balance I think about two things: One, again, it’s that reframing of I get to. I feel incredibly privileged. I get to be a mom of three children and I get to be a wife and I get to be a sister and daughter and all of those things, and I get to be a full-time employee and that’s amazing. And the second thing is I really love what I do. I love problem solving and I love people and I love innovation. I love entrepreneurship. And I think that’s the key. You are obviously going to love your family. And if you love what you do, you will make it all work.
When it’s time to leave for work, there is such a natural tendency to tell your chid, “Mommy has to go to work, here’s why I have to do it, I’m so sorry, I’ll be back.” But I completely flipped that. I don’t apologize for going to work. I want my daughter to associate work, earning money, her livelihood as something to be excited about. And I think that’s a really important reframing of the conversation. So when I leave, I don’t say, “I’m so sorry,” I say, “I am so excited I get to go to work.” My daughter loves puzzles. So I’ll say, “You know how you love puzzles, the Highlights magazine that comes, that’s what mommy does at work all day. I get to go and solve problems, really interesting ones that are so fun to solve. I don’t love leaving you but I love going to work and I love coming home to see to you and as you know I always come back.” That’s what I explain to my daughter at least once a week. It’s not an I have to. I get to. And that’s a really important way to think about hard work. It really establishes this concept of you can do anything. Hard work is something we all have to do. Earning money is something we’re all going to have to do in our lives and I think the more that you can reframe that as a positive, the better.
Bring Them Under The Hood
I am on calls all of the time and I take a lot of calls from home. And I used to try to get as far from my daughter as possible but one day my daughter was literally outside the door crying, and it broke my heart and I thought this isn’t going to work. So I had this amazing ah-ha moment, like what if I explained to her that it was important and she could be with me if she could be quiet. So I explained, “Mommy either has to go to the office or I can stay in our house and take this call and spend time with you right when it’s done,” and she totally got it. For literally four phone calls in a row, she let me do them out, and I learned that just giving her that credit got us to a better spot. Again, I’m learning, but I just try to bring her under the hood and let her be a part of the conversation and I love to have her listening. She’s learning and it’s amazing.
Attitude is Underrated
It's an undervalued asset just to have a positive attitude. So when I think about work life balance I think about two things: One, again, it’s that reframing of I get to. I feel incredibly privileged. I get to be a mom of three children and I get to be a wife and I get to be a sister and daughter and all of those things, and I get to be a full-time employee and that’s amazing. And the second thing is I really love what I do. I love problem solving and I love people and I love innovation. I love entrepreneurship. And I think that’s the key. You are obviously going to love your family. And if you love what you do, you will make it all work.