The Family Concierge Service That Only a Mom (Of Four!) Could Create

Yohana members have a team dedicated to taking things off their plates. Hand them your tween’s summer camp packing list, your mother-in-law's birthday flowers, or dinner reservations for a weekend away. Leaky faucet? They'll find a plumber. Need 12 nut-free cupcakes for a preschool party? They'll have them delivered directly to the school.

Even if you have a team helping you tackle your to-do list, it can be hard to prioritize self-care. Matsuoka shares her hard-earned perspective on how (and why!) to start.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

When my kids were really young, self-care came last. I thought it was the only way to fit in everything. For a decade, I compromised on exercise and sleep; like many moms, my well-being came last. Eventually it caught up to me - I started to feel that I was no longer a good mom, getting frustrated at my kids unnecessarily. At work, I was tired and felt like I was not fully showing up as my best self.

Finally, I sought help and started working with a professional coach who immediately asked me, "Why are you putting yourself last?" She convinced me I couldn't be the mom or the person I wanted to be if I didn't start to put myself first. Putting yourself last is counterproductive. The kids did not see my sacrifice. They just thought I was short-tempered and tired; I was not the role model I wanted to be for my family.

Make a "Me List"

My coach made me make a list of three things every week I would do for myself no matter what. I started small - get an extra hour of sleep, go on a run twice a week, and meditate for 5 mins per day. As I began to show up for myself consistently, every aspect of my life started to improve. I could feel that I was a better mom, a better partner to my husband, and a better leader at work. At first it didn't make sense that I could sleep for two more hours and somehow be able to fit more into my life—but that’s exactly what happened. Now, I know first hand how important it is for moms to put their oxygen masks on first. Here's how I make a Me List that I know I’ll stick with:

1. Make it concrete. "Going running" doesn't cut it. I had to decide exactly how many times per week and how long I was committing to my run.
2. Write it down. Schedule it in your calendar. It's easy to neglect unless you make yourself accountable by putting it in your schedule.
3. Ask for help. Part of putting yourself first, is realizing you can’t do it all, and that is okay! Share your “me list” with your partner or kids and make it a family commitment. The mornings I go on a run, my husband takes the kids to school. We make it work.

Don’t Save Your Well-Being for a Rainy Day

Making a commitment to your well-being requires a mindset shift. It’s about learning how to make time for yourself so you can, in turn, be there for the people and things you care about the most. Small daily habits lead to big changes over time. I’ve had to learn to let things go and to stop trying to do everything on my own, so I would have time to be fully present for the moments that brought me the most peace of mind and fulfillment. That can be as simple as waking my kids in the morning, bringing them to school, or going on my weekly runs.

Unlearn Urgency

Moms have to be flying at 10,000 feet at all times. When I was still putting myself last, people would urgently ask for things, and I felt like if I didn't do them, things would fall apart, and people would think of me as a slacker. Then, I got to a point where I had no choice but to drop the balls I was juggling, which forced me to realize that things happen anyway. Sure, certain things have to be delivered, but other things, if they don't happen, the world keeps turning.

Get Real About Your Priorities

I always knew I wanted a big family and a big career, so it has been really hard at times when I am faced with deciding what to prioritize because they are both so important to me. My favorite job is being a mom and having a family life, but I have not let that hold me back from building an extremely rewarding career. I ruthlessly prioritize what gets my attention during the day. I often leave work at 3 pm to pick up my kids from school because I prioritize that time in the car alone with them. However, an hour later, I will be back on a Zoom call (usually from my car in the parking lot waiting for my kids' sports game to end). There is no perfect formula. I know what I don’t want to miss out on with my family, and I prioritize those moments.

Practice the Art of Delegation, Even If It Doesn’t Come Naturally

The last twenty years felt like a process of learning to let go of tasks a little at a time to make room for other things. Learning to delegate is one of the most important acts of self-care - especially for moms who want to do it all. For example, I didn’t have time to clean the house, but I didn't want my mom in Japan to judge me for not doing it myself. I eventually got a house cleaner to come, but for years I’d clean the house before she arrived. It took me a while to get to a point where I realized I could be spending that time with my kids instead of trying to do it all. It’s not easy to let go, but it is so worth it.

Its Okay if Your Schedule Only Makes Sense to You

There are two things that I won’t delegate. One is giving a haircut to my kids, husband, and dog.

The other is driving the kids around. I drop them off at school and shuffle them to activities because that's precious time for me. We have hard and hilarious conversations that we would never have had anywhere else. Every disclosure of their boyfriends or girlfriends happened in a car, so I just will not let go. Maybe they’re weird choices, but that time is special to me.

How you want to spend your day is up to you. Some people may keep cooking and let go of laundry. Others might do the exact opposite. All those choices are okay!

Just for you: Sign up for Yohana by 5/21 and get your first month free with the code MOTHERSDAY2023.